parents today want their

For the first time ever, researchers have undertaken a large longitudinal study of how parents spend their time and how their kids perform, Brigid Schulte reports. The study used time diaries Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences. Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others. Remember, all children want their parent's attention. Catch them being good. Parents want their kids to stay out of trouble, do well in school, and go on to do awesome things as adults. And while there isn't a set recipe for raising successful children, psychologists Siêu Thì Vay Tiền Online. Source Zoran Pucarevic/Shutterstock New research shows that women's parents choose less attractive partners for their daughters than women choose for themselves. Why would parents want their daughters to date someone less attractive? The reasons may surprise you. Imagine you were searching for a long-term mate. Which traits would be most important to you in a partner? Honesty? A sense of humor? Physical attractiveness? When we ask both parents and their children about the most important traits for a potential mate, offspring value physical attractiveness in a potential mate for themselves more than their parents value attractiveness in a potential mate for their children Apostolou, 2015; Buunk & Solano, 2010; Fugère et al., 2017; Perilloux et al., 2011. Researchers propose an evolutionary explanation for this difference in priorities Because offspring are more strongly genetically related to their future children than their parents are, offspring should value the good genes signaled by the physically attractive appearance of a partner more than their parents do Apostolou, 2015; Perilloux et al., 2011. However, just because good genes are more important to offspring doesn't mean that they are unimportant to parents. Parents benefit when their children choose attractive mates by gaining good genes for their grandchildren Apostolou, 2015, and recent experimental research suggests that physical attractiveness plays a stronger role than personality characteristics in the mate choices of both women and their parents Fugère et al., 2017b. In the current research project, researchers assessed the mate preferences of matched samples of women and one or both parents Fugère et al., 2018. The participants included 133 women, 61 mothers, and 84 fathers. The participants were primarily Caucasian. The researchers presented women and their parents with photographs of three Caucasian men varying in attractiveness from more to less attractive. The photographs were associated with different personality characteristics as well. For example, one trait profile included being respectful, trustworthy, and honest, while another included having a pleasing disposition, ambition, and intelligence. The different trait profiles were randomly associated with the men’s photographs. Women were asked to choose the most desirable mate for themselves, and parents were asked to choose the most desirable mate for their daughters. The results revealed that women were most likely to choose the most attractive man as the best mate for themselves, regardless of the personality trait profile he was assigned. Women's parents, however, were most likely to choose the moderately attractive man as the best mate for their daughters, regardless of the personality characteristics associated with that individual. Neither women nor their parents chose the unattractive man as the best mate, even when he possessed the most favorable personality characteristics. Unattractiveness may be unacceptable to both parents and offspring, because it can signal susceptibility to pathogens see Perilloux et al., 2010. These results raise the possibility that parents might actively avoid attractive mates for their daughters, even if the attractive men are purported to have good personalities. The researchers interpret these findings to suggest that parents prefer less attractive mates for their daughters, because attractive men are less likely to stay in long-term relationships Ma-Kellams et al., 2017; Mueller and Mazur, 2001. Parents may also choose partners for their daughters who are less attractive, because parents perceive that less attractive men may be more likely to stay in the relationship and, importantly, help raise any future offspring Gangestad & Simpson, 2000. This interpretation is bolstered by research showing that parents care more about qualities that indicate the potential for investment in future children, such as socioeconomic status and dependable character Apostolou, 2015; Buunk and Salano, 2010; Fugère et al., 2017a; Perilloux et al., 2011. Although the current research involves only women and their parents, the researchers expect similar results for men and their parents. Both men and women who are more attractive are more likely to leave their relationships Ma-Kellams et al., 2017, and may, therefore, be perceived as less desirable partners by parents. References Apostolou, M. 2015. Parent–offspring conflict over mating Domains of agreement and disagreement. Evolutionary Psychology, 133, 1-12. doi Buunk, A. P., & Solano, A. C. 2010. Conflicting preferences of parents and offspring over criteria for a mate A study in Argentina. Journal of Family Psychology, 244, 391-399. doi Fugère, M. A., Chabot, C.,* Doucette, K.,* & Cousins, A. J. 2017b. The importance of physical attractiveness to the mate choices of women and their mothers. Evolutionary Psychological Sciences, 33, 243–252. Fugere, M. A., Doucette, K.*, Chabot, C.*, Cousins, A. J., Perreault, J.*, & Wylie, A.* March, 2018 Your parents prefer that you date someone less attractive. Resaerch presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Atlanta, GA. Fugère, M. A., Doucette, K.,* Chabot, C.,* & Cousins, A. J. 2017a. Similarities and differences in mate preferences among parents and their adult children. Personality and Individual Differences, 111, 80-85. Gangestad, S. W., & Simpson, J. A. 2000. The evolution of human mating Trade-offs and strategic pluralism. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 234, 573-644. doi Ma‐Kellams, C., Wang, M. C., & Cardiel, H. 2017. Attractiveness and relationship longevity Beauty is not what it is cracked up to be. Personal Relationships, 241, 146-161. Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D. S., & Buss, D. M. 2011. Meet the parents Parent-offspring convergence and divergence in mate preferences. Personality and Individual Differences, 502, 253-258. doi Perilloux, H. K., Webster, G. D., & Gaulin, S. C. 2010. Signals of genetic quality and maternal investment capacity The dynamic effects of fluctuating asymmetry and waist-to-hip ratio on men’s ratings of women’s attractiveness. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11, 34–42. doi In August, Treasurer Scott Morrison warned that “Australia has a generation growing up expecting government handouts”. Researchers have labelled this the “Me Generation”. Some even say we are facing a “me, me, me epidemic”. So why have today’s young people become more narcissistic? According to research, the decrease in young people’s levels of empathy is partly the result of changes in parenting styles that came about in the 1980s. In the past, parents had children as a means to gain practical and even financial support for family survival and to help it thrive. But now, children are perceived as an emotional asset whose primary purpose is being loved. Parents now tend to place greater emphasis on cultivating the happiness and success of their offspring. What led to this change in parenting style? From the 1980s onwards, children have spent fewer hours doing chores around the house as living conditions and technology – including the invention of washing machines and dishwashers – have improved. Nowadays children are no longer perceived as contributors whose work is essential for the survival of the family and its ability to thrive. Parental focus has shifted from the development of family responsibility to the development of children’s happiness and success. As a result, children’s sense of entitlement has been inflated, but the cultivation of responsibility has fallen by the wayside. So chores are not valued as much as they used to be. This is particularly the case for young people in China, often labelled “little emperors” and “little princesses”, who were born under the one-child policy between 1979 and 2015. These children’s parents, most of whom had gone through hardship in China’s Great Famine and the Cultural Revolution, vowed not to allow what they had suffered to happen to their only child. They became overwhelmingly dedicated to their child, which resulted in many children shouldering no family responsibilities, including chores. It is also the case for children in the West. Research has found that less than 30% of American parents ask their children to do chores. As academic Richard Rende said in his book Raising Can-Do Kids “Parents today want their kids spending time on things that can bring them success, but ironically, we’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success — and that’s household chores.” How responsibility can develop a family bond Traditionally, chores were a family obligation. They were hard and tedious. But research suggests engaging in routine chores helps children to develop a sense of social justice, because everyone has to do them, which inculcates the idea of fairness. Chores can also provide a vehicle for children to cultivate a family bond and a sense of responsibility. The development of social justice in children means that children view their relationship with their parents as a two-way thing, rather than it being one-sided. A family bond has two interacted dimensions that parents love their children and that children are grateful for the sacrifices their parents made. For the latter, only through moral reasoning and, more importantly, discipline chores can parental love be translated into practice and mutual love between parents and children and a family bond be developed. For the latest data on parenting in America, see “Parenting in America Today” January 2023. Contemporary debates about parenthood often focus on parenting philosophies Are kids better off with helicopter parents or a free-range approach? What’s more beneficial in the long run, the high expectations of a tiger mom or the nurturing environment where every child is a winner? Is overscheduling going to damage a child or help the child get into a good college? While these debates may resonate with some parents, they often overlook the more basic, fundamental challenges many parents face – particularly those with lower incomes. A broad, demographically based look at the landscape of American families reveals stark parenting divides linked less to philosophies or values and more to economic circumstances and changing family structure. A new Pew Research Center survey conducted Sept. 15-Oct. 13, 2015, among 1,807 parents with children younger than 18 finds that for lower-income parents, financial instability can limit their children’s access to a safe environment and to the kinds of enrichment activities that affluent parents may take for granted. For example, higher-income parents are nearly twice as likely as lower-income parents to rate their neighborhood as an “excellent” or “very good” place to raise kids 78% vs. 42%. On the flip side, a third of parents with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say that their neighborhood is only a “fair” or “poor” place to raise kids; just 7% of parents with incomes in excess of $75,000 give their neighborhood similarly low ratings. Along with more negative ratings of their neighborhoods, lower-income parents are more likely than those with higher incomes to express concerns about their children being victims of violence. At least half of parents with family incomes less than $30,000 say they worry that their child or children might be kidnapped 59% or get beat up or attacked 55%, shares that are at least 15 percentage points higher than among parents with incomes above $75,000. And about half 47% of these lower-income parents worry that their children might be shot at some point, more than double the share among higher-income parents. Concerns about teenage pregnancy and legal trouble are also more prevalent among lower-income parents. Half of lower-income parents worry that their child or one of their children will get pregnant or get a girl pregnant as a teenager, compared with 43% of higher-income parents. And, by a margin of 2-to-1, more lower-income than higher-income parents 40% vs. 21% say they worry that their children will get in trouble with the law at some point. There are some worries, though, that are shared across income groups. At least half of all parents, regardless of income, worry that their children might be bullied or struggle with anxiety or depression at some point. For parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher, these concerns trump all others tested in the survey. The survey also finds that lower-income parents with school-age children face more challenges than those with higher incomes when it comes to finding affordable, high-quality after-school activities and programs. About half 52% of those with annual family incomes less than $30,000 say these programs are hard to find in their community, compared with 29% of those with incomes of $75,000 or higher. And when it comes to the extracurricular activities in which their children participate after school or on weekends, far more higher-income parents than lower-income parents say their children are engaged in sports or organizations such as the scouts or take lessons in music, dance or art. For example, among high-income parents, 84% say their children have participated in sports in the 12 months prior to the survey; this compares with 59% among lower-income parents. The link between family structure and financial circumstances The dramatic changes that have taken place in family living arrangements have no doubt contributed to the growing share of children living at the economic margins. In 2014, 62% of children younger than 18 lived in a household with two married parents – a historic low, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of data from the Census Bureau. The share of kids living with only one parent stood at 26% in 2014. And the share in households with two parents who are living together but not married 7% has risen steadily in recent These patterns differ sharply across racial and ethnic groups. Large majorities of white 72% and Asian-American 82% children are living with two married parents, as are 55% of Hispanic children. By contrast only 31% of black children are living with two married parents, while more than half 54% are living in a single-parent household. The economic outcomes for these different types of families vary dramatically. In 2014, 31% of children living in single-parent households were living below the poverty line, as were 21% of children living with two cohabiting By contrast, only one-in-ten children living with two married parents were in this circumstance. In fact, more than half 57% of those living with married parents were in households with incomes at least 200% above the poverty line, compared with just 21% of those living in single-parent households. Most parents say they’re doing a good job raising their kids Across income groups, however, parents agree on one thing They’re doing a fine job raising their children. Nearly identical shares of parents with incomes of $75,000 or higher 46%, $30,000 to $74,999 44% and less than $30,000 46% say they are doing a very good job as parents, and similar shares say they are doing a good job. Though parental scorecards don’t differ by income, they do vary across other demographic divides, such as gender and generation. Among all parents, more mothers than fathers say they are doing a very good job raising their children 51% vs. 39%, and Millennial mothers are particularly inclined to rate themselves positively. Nearly six-in-ten 57% moms ages 18 to 34 say they are doing a very good job as a parent, a higher share than Millennial dads 43% or any other generational group. Regardless of how they see themselves, parents care a lot about how others perceive their parenting skills. For married or cohabiting parents, the opinion of their spouse or partner matters the most 93% of these parents say it matters a lot to them that their spouse or partner sees them as a good parent. But most single parents 56% also say they care a lot that their child’s other parent sees them as a good parent. About seven-in-ten 72% parents want their own parents to think they are doing a good job raising their children, and smaller but substantive shares care a lot that their friends 52% and people in their community 45% see them as good parents. Parents are nearly evenly divided about whether their children’s successes and failures are more a reflection of how they are doing as parents 46% or of their children’s own strengths and weaknesses 42%. Parents of younger children feel more personally responsible for their children’s achievements or lack thereof, while parents of teenagers are much more likely to say that it’s their children who are mainly responsible for their own successes and failures. There are significant differences along racial lines as well, with black and Hispanic parents much more likely than whites to say their children’s successes and failures are mainly a reflection of the job they are doing as parents. Mothers are more overprotective than fathers About six-in-ten parents 62% say they can sometimes be overprotective, while just a quarter say they tend to give their children too much freedom. More also say they criticize their kids too much than say they offer too much praise 44% vs. 33%. American parents are more divided on whether they sometimes “stick to their guns” too much or give in too quickly 43% each. In several key ways, mothers and fathers approach parenting differently. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say that they sometimes are overprotective of their children, give in too quickly and praise their children too much. Mothers also have more extensive support networks that they rely on for advice about parenting. They’re much more likely than fathers to turn to family members and friends and to take advantage of parenting resources such as books, magazines and online sources. For example, while 43% of moms say they turn to parenting websites, books or magazines at least sometimes for parenting advice, about a quarter 23% of dads do the same. And moms are more than twice as likely as dads to say they at least occasionally turn to online message boards, listservs or social media for advice on parenting 21% vs. 9%. In at least one key area gender does not make a difference mothers and fathers are equally likely to say that being a parent is extremely important to their overall identity. About six-in-ten moms 58% and dads 57% say this, and an additional 35% and 37%, respectively, say being a parent is very important to their overall identity. Parental involvement – how much is too much? The survey findings, which touch on different aspects of parenting and family life, paint a mixed portrait of American parents when it comes to their involvement in their children’s education. About half 53% of those with school-age children say they are satisfied with their level of engagement, but a substantial share 46% wish they could be doing more. And while parents generally don’t think children should feel badly about getting poor grades as long as they try hard, about half 52% say they would be very disappointed if their children were average students. A narrow majority of parents 54% say parents can never be too involved in their children’s education. But about four-in-ten 43% say too much parental involvement in a child’s education can be a bad thing, a view that is particularly common among parents with more education and higher incomes. For example, while majorities of parents with a post-graduate 65% or a bachelor’s 57% degree say too much involvement could have negative consequences, just 38% of those with some college and 28% with no college experience say the same. Black and Hispanic parents have a much different reaction to this question than do white parents, even after controlling for differences in educational attainment. Fully 75% of black and 67% of Hispanic parents say a parent can never be too involved in a child’s education. About half of white parents 47% agree. Whether or not they feel too much involvement can be a bad thing, a majority of parents are involved – at least to some extent – in their children’s education. Among parents with school-age children, 85% say they have talked to a teacher about their children’s progress in school over the 12 months leading up to the survey. Roughly two-thirds 64% say they have attended a PTA meeting or other special school meeting. And 60% have helped out with a special project or class trip at their children’s school. Parents’ level of engagement in these activities is fairly consistent across income groups. Reading aloud is one way parents can get involved in their children’s education even before formal schooling begins. Among parents with children under the age of 6, about half 51% say they read aloud to their children every day, and those who have graduated from college are far more likely than those who have not to say this is the case. About seven-in-ten 71% parents with a bachelor’s degree say they read to their young children every day, compared with 47% of those with some college and 33% of those with a high school diploma or less. Kids are busy, and so are their parents American children – including preschoolers – participate in a variety of extracurricular activities. At least half of parents with school-age children say their kids have played sports 73%, participated in religious instruction or youth groups 60%, taken lessons in music, dance or art 54% or done volunteer work 53% after school or on the weekends in the 12 months preceding the survey. Among those with children younger than 6, four-in-ten say their young children have participated in sports, and about as many say they have been part of an organized play group; one-third say their children have taken music, dance or art lessons. Parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher are far more likely than those with lower incomes to say their children have participated in extracurricular activities. For parents with school-age children, the difference is particularly pronounced when it comes to doing volunteer work a 27 percentage point difference between those with incomes of $75,000 or higher and those with incomes less than $30,000, participating in sports 25 points, and taking music, dance or art lessons 21 points. Similarly, by double-digit margins, higher-income parents with children younger than 6 are more likely than those with lower incomes to say their young children have participated in sports or taken dance, music or art lessons in the 12 months prior to the survey. Parents with higher incomes are also more likely to say their children’s day-to-day schedules are too hectic with too many things to do. Overall, 15% of parents with children between ages 6 and 17 describe their kids’ schedules this way. Among those with incomes of $75,000 or higher, one-in-five say their children’s schedules are too hectic, compared with 8% of those who earn less than $30,000. But if kids are busy, their parents are even busier. About three-in-ten 31% parents say they always feel rushed, even to do the things they have to do, and an additional 53% say they sometimes feel rushed. Not surprisingly, parents who feel rushed at least sometimes are more likely than those who almost never feel rushed to see parenting as tiring and stressful and less likely to see it as enjoyable all of the time. Spanking is an unpopular form of discipline, but one-in-six use it at least sometimes Parents employ many methods to discipline their children. The most popular is explaining why a child’s behavior is inappropriate three-quarters say they do this often. About four-in-ten 43% say they frequently take away privileges, such as time with friends or use of TV or other electronic devices, and a roughly equal share say they give a “timeout” 41% of parents with children younger than 6 as a form of discipline, while about one-in-five 22% say they often resort to raising their voice or yelling. Spanking is the least commonly used method of discipline – just 4% of parents say they do it often. But one-in-six parents say they spank their children at least some of the time as a way to discipline them. Black parents 32% are more likely than white 14% and Hispanic 19% parents to say they sometimes spank their children and are far less likely to say they never resort to spanking 31% vs. 55% and 58%, respectively. Spanking is also correlated with educational attainment. About one-in-five 22% parents with a high school diploma or less say they use spanking as a method of discipline at least some of the time, as do 18% of parents with some college and 15% of parents with a bachelor’s degree. In contrast, just 8% of parents with a post-graduate degree say they often or sometimes spank their children. Parental worries differ sharply by race, ethnicity In addition to the economic gaps that underlie parents’ worries about the safety and well-being of their children, wide racial gaps exist on a few key items. White parents are far more likely than black parents to worry that their kids might struggle with anxiety or depression 58% vs. 35% or that they might have problems with drugs or alcohol 40% vs. 23%. Black parents, in turn, worry more than white parents do that their children might get shot at some point. About four-in-ten 39% black parents say this is a concern, compared with about one-in-five 22% white parents. And this difference persists even when looking at white and black parents who live in urban areas, where there is more concern about shootings. On each of these items and others tested in the survey, Hispanic parents are more likely than white and black parents to express concern. These differences are driven, at least in part, by high levels of concern among foreign-born Hispanics, who tend to have lower household incomes and lower levels of educational attainment than native-born Hispanics. The remainder of this report includes an examination of changing family structures in the as well as detailed analyses of findings from the new Pew Research Center survey. Chapter 1 looks at the changing circumstances in which children are raised, drawing on demographic data, largely from government sources. This analysis highlights the extent to which parents’ changing marital and relationship status affects overall family makeup, and it also includes detailed breakdowns by key demographic characteristics such as race, education and household income. Chapters 2 through 5 explore findings from the new survey, with Chapter 2 focusing on parents’ assessments of the job they are doing raising their children and their families’ living circumstances. Chapter 3 looks at parenting values and philosophies. Chapter 4 examines child care arrangements and parents’ involvement in their children’s education. And Chapter 5 looks at extracurricular activities. Other key findings About six-in-ten 62% parents with infants or preschool-age children say that it’s hard to find child care in their community that is both affordable and high quality, and this is true across income groups. Most working parents with annual family incomes of $75,000 or higher 66% say their young children are cared for in day care centers or preschools, while those earning less than $30,000 rely more heavily on care by family members 57%. On average, parents say children should be at least 10 years old before they should be allowed to play in front of their house unsupervised while an adult is inside. Parents say children should be even older before they are allowed to stay home alone for about an hour 12 years old or to spend time at a public park unsupervised 14 years old. Roughly a third of parents 31% with children ages 6 to 17 say they have helped coach their child in a sport or athletic activity in the past year. Fathers 37% are more likely than mothers 27% to say they have done this. Nine-in-ten parents with children ages 6 to 17 say their kids watch TV, movies or videos on a typical day, and 79% say they play video games. Parents whose children get daily screen time are split about whether their children spend too much time on these activities 47% or about the right amount of time 50%. Eight-in-ten 81% parents with children younger than 6 say that their young children watch videos or play games on an electronic device on a daily basis. Roughly a third 32% of these parents say their kids spend too much time on these activities; 65% say the amount of time is about right. Throughout this report, references to college graduates or parents with a college degree comprise those with a bachelor’s degree or more. “Some college” refers to those with a two-year degree or those who attended college but did not obtain a degree. “High school” refers to those who have attained a high school diploma or its equivalent, such as a General Education Development GED certificate. Mentions of “school-age” children refer to those ages 6 to 17. “Teenagers” include children ages 13 to 17. References to white and black parents include only those who are non-Hispanic. Hispanics are of any race. Mentions of Millennials include those who were ages 18 to 34 at the time of the survey. Gen Xers are ages 35 to 50. Baby Boomers are ages 51 to 69.

parents today want their